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My Relationship Feels Boring - What Should I Do?

Does your relationship feel like it’s getting ‘boring’ or lacking in something that feels like a spark in connection that you once had?

If so, I hear you and you’re not alone. Many couples experience times where their relationship takes a dip in excitement or novelty that it once had and it would be a misconception if you were to think that long-term relationships should always be filled with excitement and novelty.

In reality, even the most loving and committed couples can go through phases where the relationship feels a bit dull or that there is more they could do to feel that deep connection that sets the relationship apart from all others. While boredom is normal part of any relationship, it doesn't mean you're doomed, it’s all about how you frame the experience you’re having in the relationship and the context in which your feelings sit.

Acknowledging how you feel now and how you’d like things to change can be an exiting opportunity to strengthen your connection and discover new depths in your partnership. In a couple it’s important for both parties to keep communicating as they evolve and change so the relationship can be in alignment to the two people within it.

Here are some tips to help you navigate those times where you might experience feeling of boredom.

Communicate Openly

The first step in addressing relationship boredom is open communication. Both partners should feel safe discussing their feelings without judgment. Try not to hold on too much to an attachment to the feeling or ‘boredom’ but just notice it gently as something that is temporary and hopefully passing in your relationship. Share your concerns and listen to your partner's perspective as you explore what’s going on for you. Also, manage your expectations that the things you are feeling at the moment may not be what your partner is experiencing. Discuss what's making the relationship feel stale and be open to their suggestions as well.

Reflect on the Relationship

Take some time to reflect on the journey you and your partner have been on. What initially attracted you to each other? What have been your most memorable moments together? Reminiscing about your shared experiences can rekindle the emotional connection and remind you of why you fell in love in the first place. If some elements of your relationship feel lost, you can share with your partner what you’d like to revisit in the relationship or reintroduce so you can reignite that spark and hopefully eliminate any feelings of boredom that you may have.

Spice Up Your Routine

Sometimes, relationship boredom stems from a monotonous routine and this is normal. If you’re cohabiting with your partner, often, they see all the parts of you and you them. You also see all parts of their life and often couples can become so in tune with each other that the differentiation between the two of them as individuals can get lost. You can spice up your routine by embracing your own hobbies separately or heading out to try new things together. Try your best to break out of the Break out of the day-to-day routine and grind by trying new activities together. Whether it's taking a dance class, exploring a new hobby, or going on a spontaneous weekend getaway, introducing variety can breathe new life into your relationship. When you try new things and have new experiences together it creates new neuropathways for you and your partner and this results in making new lasting memories, where you can both fondly look back on. This is an exciting addition to date night, trying something new!

Set Goals Together

Setting shared goals and working towards them can be incredibly fulfilling. Sometimes I help couples create vision boards together so they can work towards the same plan and goals in their life together - it's a concretion of a life they both want. These goals could be personal, like fitness or career aspirations, or they could be focused on your relationship, such as planning a big trip or renovating a home. Achieving goals together can create a sense of purpose and excitement, it also gives couples a pathway forward to growth together whether they have been together for 1 year or 10, it works beautifully.

Spend Quality Time Together

In our busy lives, it's easy to overlook the importance of quality time. Make an effort to have meaningful conversations, engage in activities you both enjoy, and disconnect from screens and distractions. Reconnecting emotionally is essential to overcoming boredom. Often couples can confuse quantity of time spent together with quality time spent together.

Surprise Each Other

Surprises don't have to be grand gestures. Small, thoughtful surprises like leaving love notes, preparing your partner's favorite meal, or planning an unexpected date night can go a long way in keeping the relationship fresh and exciting.

Seek Adventure Outside the Relationship

Sometimes, adding excitement to your relationship requires personal growth and exploration. Pursue your own passions and interests independently. When you feel fulfilled individually, you'll bring more enthusiasm and vibrancy into your shared life.

Consider Professional Help

If you find that your relationship has hit a significant rough patch and boredom persists despite your efforts, it might be beneficial to seek the guidance of a relationship coach, counsellor or therapist. They can offer valuable insights and strategies to help you navigate your challenges.

Boredom in a relationship is a common phase that can be navigated with patience, effort, and open communication. Remember that it's natural for a long-term partnership to have ups and downs. By actively working together to reignite the spark and prioritising each other's needs and desires, you can turn those moments of boredom into opportunities for growth, connection, and a renewed sense of excitement in your relationship.

Much Love,

Sarah Louise x


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