Healthy and fulfilling love is a wonderful bi-product of conscious communication in a loving relationship. To create a relationship that sees the result of conscious love, couples must ensure they are ‘safe’ with one another on an emotional level.
What that means is, to be in a relationship that’s open, honest, authentic where two partners feel free to be their most vulnerable selves, they have to be able to communicate what is on their mind. We humans aren’t able to communicate whats on our minds if we don’t feel safe with our partners.
Being able to communicate thoughts and feelings with those you love and care about can be difficult, especially with romantic partners, but when you can share and be understood, there is almost no better feeling.
Human beings feel cared for an loved when they are seen, heard and understood. To validate each other with empathy even if we don’t experience the feelings or situations from our partners shoes can take the romantic connection to a whole new level. Meaning - we don’t have to experience or feel the same way our partners do but to be able to stretch into their worlds and try and see how and why they might feel or see something a specific way creates a bond that can be deeper than any.
This kind of unique connection is really intimate and can bring not just connection but a deep and meaningful sense of belonging between two people who are romantically engaged.
Conscious Communication is not just for couples but is especially useful when navigating dating and romantic relationships. We are taught how to read and write however, we have not learned the basics of clear communication that expresses not only your thoughts but the meaning and intention behind the words. It is a skill and an art to cultivate but when crafted carefully it can create a conscious relationship that so many seek. If you want healthy relationships with family, friends and colleagues, it pays to be a conscious communicator too by using empathy, open body language, non-judgemental questioning and gentle mirroring.
Here are a few ways couples can create conscious relationships, especially if they want to experience a big shift in their way of relating with each other.
Drop the accusation and remove assumptions
If you want your partner to respond without any of the four horsemen some couples see in conflicting communicating, you will have to let go of accusations because they only create a negative slant on your way of relating. Instead of accusing each other ask more questions with curiosity so you can explore whats going on from each others point of view. I also often say that assumptions are a silent assassin in a relationship - the more we think we know about our partners and how they might say, do, be, respond ect the more we remove their autonomy. We should assume we know nothing to maintain friendship and harness curiosity because in this way we will ask more questions and keep that sense of individualism in a relationship.
The truth is, it takes two to tango, for a relationship to make or break, and to have a love story that will stand the test of time. It's better to take responsibility for your relationship - the good, the bad and the ugly. To have a relationship we must consider the way we connect is how two people ‘relate’ to one another. If the relationship is not working it means the way of relating to one another no longer works. Two people need to rethink and reimagine the way to relate in order to recreate connection, spark and riginite intimacy if its dwindled.
Human beings grow, change and evolve and so do the way two people relate to one another as time goes on. It could be one year or it could be ten years but understanding welcoming change and also communicating the changes in how two people connect and want to connect will ensure the relationship grows and evolves the way two people do. Human beings are naturally scared of the unknown but when you embrace it as a couple then you can co-create change together; bringing it into the known and consistently reforming your relationship making it a conscious one as time goes on.
The truth is, talking about emotions, wants, needs and desires in a relationship is part of doing the work. Many relationships fail because couples don’t know how to relate, aren’t willing to do the work and perhaps some fail because of a lack of patience. If you’re here reading this it is likely because you are ready and willing to do the work with your partner to create a conscious romantic connection. Patience is important as it will be needed to understand, connect and empathise with one another and those ingredients are some of the contributing factors to a conscious relationship.
Don't be afraid to argue
Arguing means differing opinions and having micro resistance in a relationship is always a good thing - it reminds couples that each individual is a separate person in the relationship and forces couples to connect and see things from each others side of the table. Arguing is the opposite to indifference which means couples care, have connection and are trying to work things out. This resistance gives couples an opportunity to communicate, connect, empathise and use tools ro reignite intimacy. Micro reistances also offer an opportunity to ignite intimacy when done in a healthy, playful way. When couples respectfully see things from each others side of the table they are showing each other that whilst they may not feel the same they choose, hear see and understand one another.
If you’re struggling to connect with your partner on a conscious level and would like to positively be given the tools for support in a relationship counselling setting, I would love to help you. You and your partner can enquire here for Relationship Coaching, I’d love to hear from you.
Sarah Louise x