Dating and relationships can be complex enough but when life throws having to navigate a long distance love at two people then there are extra layers to consider to ensure the connection is maintained and sustained lovingly.
Long distance relationships can feel challenging before, during and after for both people but they can be so worth it in the end if you are able to positively take steps towards the end goals of a loving relationship together.
It is an indisputable fact that it is very difficult not to have your loved one by your side when you want or need them in the small moments and the bigger milestones in life too. Virtual connection can be sustained but the emotional strain of not being in close proximity of ones partner can be a tricky path to navigate.
When two people are committed to each other and theres a whole lot of love and a whole lot of trust and respect you will just need the tools in between to make your long distance relationship work. However, if you’re in a relationship that is lacking those mentioned foundations in any capacity you will struggle to navigate using the tools to maintain the connection. You really have to love them, trust them and respect one another for long distance love to go the distance.
If you have those foundations present but the thought of long distance love is tearing you apart, I do recommend a coach or talking therapy. Often, the idea of the unknown or unhealed old wounds of loss, breakups, abandonment or times where your basic needs haven’t been met might need to be worked on. The more you meet yourself and heal yourself the easier long distance love becomes to manage for two people - this process of talking it all through is really helpful for you both to get out of your own way and focus on the important aspect of maintaining connected and loving one another.
Here are 5 benefits you can focus on to maintain your loving relationship
You’ll have a stronger emotional connection
Society and the media today want to show that in the modern age in which we exist, sex is the glue that holds the relationship together and that relationships can’t succeed if the sex life is non-existent, rare or of unenviable quality. Successful long distance relationships usually prove otherwise. Often, this is because the bond between two is so strong they are focused on the end goal of being together moreover the difficulty of the short-term present of not being together. They may not abound in quantitative sex due to physical separation, but this is exactly what allows partners to improve the quality of their emotional connection. Distances invites couples to be more vocal with one another about their wants, needs and desires. Lots of couples embrace the opportunity of re-exploring one anothers fantasies, wants for exploration and distance lends itself to being more vocal about what they want in the bedroom. This topic is one thats on the minds of many couples and isn’t spoken abut but when distance in their dating and relationship journey comes into play the gap in conversation can go further or there is an opportunity to draw it to a close and reconnect conversationally about what they would like to explore between the sheets. Furthermore, there is a big focus on talking about thoughts and feelings about one another and this consciousness in navigating relationships can fall by the wayside when couples are in close proximity. The distance gives couples an opportunity not to take each other for granted.
It's amazing how ordinary and seemingly meaningless conversations in the virtual world can bring partners closer to each other. The deep emotional connection you may benefit from in a long distance relationship is to potentially bring you both closer than ever before on an emotional level.
The Level of love rises
Partners who see each other can sometimes take the day to day moments for granted. However, when those in long distance relationships are together every moment and gesture is appreciated and taken into consideration as a gesture to show love for one another.
I have much personal experience of navigating a long distance relationship with my partner and can share that this opportunity, however painful it may be in the process of one person having to move away for work, the bond that a couple can build means the appreciation levels of one another increases significantly and the level of love, respect and acceptance you have for each other rises beyond expectations. Ultimately, in my experience, it means we never sweat the small things in our relationship and our friendship and connection as adults who choose each other above all other humans comes first and foremost.
The small gestures that one makes for the other sometimes go unnoticed in relationships, because they act normally, which is of course a real shame. Those who maintain a long-distance relationship are able to appreciate shared moments so much more, one reason may be because they are less frequent, another is because you realise the value that you bring to each others lives and know what its like to not have that in close proximity. When the love, support, friendship and connection you have is separated across country or continents you appreciate the just being with one another and everything else becomes a bonus.
Passionate intimate encounters are more precious
No one can deny that intimate encounters are more passionate when partners have spent a long time apart or are not able to have the joy of consistent or spontaneous sex.
There are a few things to consider about sexually being pulled apart is that the longing for you partner will make you want them more. Also, you’ll be talking more about sex rather than just having it and the sapiosexual in you might find that really erotic and the anticipation to be with one another increases. Alot of the lust lives in that space in between - the talking, the longing, the anticipation, the connecting and then the act itself. Furthermore, when two people are in separate places they might feel more confident for the things they desire and so this can be a new lease of life, especially for couples who have been together for a long time.
The continued longing for physical intimacy increases the sexual appetite, there is a lusting in the longing. There may an increase in libido for some partners as the feeling of longing is often new to them and the physical act of having penetrative sex is lessened. As humans being physically intimate is a need that is met from the simple touches all the way to orgasmic, mind blowing sex.
The trust bond is strengthened
Couples that are able to maintain connection when long-distance love is presented to them overcome the hurdles and difficulties they face with the trust and love they have for one another. Long distance love will undoubtedly present thoughts and feelings for each partner as individuals throughout the duration of the long distance relationship. Individuals within the couple must overcome their own thoughts and fears about the relationship in the long distance relationships - it really is a test of the love, connection and commitment that you have for one another. The outcome and benefits of surviving your long distance relationship is having a deeper bond with your partner and increased trust as an unexpected outcome.
Partners who build a successful relationship while being miles apart manage to form a solid love alliance based on mutual trust, which is an irreplaceable piece of the love puzzle. Without trust, long distance relationships aren’t often able to be sustained. This test on your relationship offers the opportunity for valuable life lessons and experiences together. Not every couple are able to make it through the test of time of a long distance relationship but if you are able to communicate clearly, consistently and often with your partner you are also able to manage each others expectations as to how the connection might unfold and be experienced by one another when miles apart. Topics of conversation to consider for each other to support in managing each of your expectations are the following: how often you will communicate, the mode in which you will communicate, how you will manage the emotions of depature, how you will manage the integration when you are both back in the same place and what impact you both feel it will have on you as individuals, the relationship as a separate entity and the people who love you both around you.
Couples need to navigate the nitty gritty of these conversations which might feel a little bit tricky but the result of not having these conversations is far worse than having them. You might end up with mismanaged expectations, unresolved hurts and feelings of resent and contempt might slip in which is hard for couples and the relationship to come back from.
An opportunity to have space for personal development
Our separateness is the ingredient that sparks the flame of desire. Many couples experience something we call symbiosis which basically means when couples attach to one another after they have been attracted to one another they want to think their partner knows exactly how they think and feel all of the time. They want to do all the things and have all the experiences together. However, it’s in our separate interests, hobbies and passions where curiosity grows and this is where conversations really are explored together which create connection.
When our partners do separate things we became inquisitive, curious, excited by the mystery and excited by them. We want to explore them more and this is can be intellectually, sexully and emotionally.
Couples can make the most of their individual self exploring more about what they want and who they want to be in personal development and there will be so much to explore with each other when chatting or in each others presence again. Exploring each others new interests offers an opportunity to reimagine each other and create an even deeper connection than has been experienced before.
The development of a relationship, whether it is a new relationship or a long term relationship, can depend on the intent and thoroughness with which people communicate and how they show each other love and care. When you have a long-distance relationship with your partner, you have to put the extra layers of effort into it ensuring you are both travelling the same path together with the sae intentions for the future.
Our romantic relationship is often the most important relationship for most people but the majority of couples don't plug into the sat nav where it is that they are going and so just assume they are going the same path. In a long distance relationship there is no room for guessing, it’s important for couples to know exactly what they want in life, with each other and how they are both going to approach life together, lovingly.
I offer Relationship Visioning exercises in my Imago Relationship Therapy sessions with couples who want to work on overcoming hurdles which might be holding them back from deep connection. Navigating long distance relationships might be something couples want to work on and is something I have experienced myself and with couples in the past. With the right tools for communication couples can deeply connect and rebuild their relationship connection. If you would like to embark on a couples counselling journey, it can also be for couples who want the deepest, most fulfilling connection possible. Enquire about my Relationship Reconnection sessions for couples here. Sessions are available for couples in person or online, depending on availability.