There is no doubt that solid communication is the foundation of every couple's relationship success. Thanks to good dialogue, desire to connect with one another and both having and showing mutual respect are the support system for two people to romantically relate.
Often couples wait until their is a communication breakdown before they think about or address if they understand each other, communicate in similar ways or consider on a conscious level how they relae to one another.
Being able to not only maintain communication but to deepen and develop it with your partner is so important when it comes to strengthening the relationship as time goes on. No two people stay the same and as we grow and change, so too can the way we relate to one another within romantic relationships. ,
Communication can deepen emotional, intellectual and sexual connection in a romantic relationship, increase relational intelligence and can enhance intimacy across the board. It is important to maintain a positive attitude towards problems and count on your partner when it comes to solving them - we seek resolve from the person we love most, working with Sarah will enable you to understand how to reconnect and resolve with each other.
Here are 7 steps you can take towards better communication to reconnect with each other in your relationship:
Make time to talk to each other
With today's pace of life, it is very easy to become a slave to daily routine and all the activities that it involves. Both you and your partner may forget that each other needs attention and before you know it time can slip by without consciously carving time out for each other to feel seen, heard and valued as the chosen person in your life. This happens in most relationships unless you become the exception to this rule and religiously book in time to talk, connect, date and maintain your relationship. To have a deeply fulfilling connection your relationship needs the same consideration on a conscious level as does going to the gym, catching up with friends or taking care of your mental health. Your relationship, how you show up in it and how it makes you feel can have a drastic impact on the rest of the elements in your life.
Theres still much work to do for those in relationships to see that there is no shame in taking steps and talking about them openly to actualise the most loving and deeply connected romantic relationship possible. It is there for the taking if you take time to see and hear each other. I recommend daily appreciation for each other (I will teach you how in couples coaching sessions), weekly date nights and monthly relational health check to see that both of you are on the same page (more blogs on that to come).
Taking time, using the tools shared by your relationship coach and being conscious about how you communicate and connect with your significant other are the first steps to deepening your relationship intimacy.
2. Learn to listen to your significant other
Listening is a fundamental part of any communication. Sometimes we look like we are listening with our body language and there is a dialogue between two people but just because we hear words and see body language does not mean that we fully understand. However, learning to actively listen is a really important tool that can be used to play a part in deepening levels of emotional intimacy with your partner.
Although it seems on the surface like a very easy task, getting into the role of a good listener is not so simple. If while your partner is talking you are thinking about what to say next, that is not effective or active listening. You aren’t listening with softness, curiosity or conscious consideration of them - your ego is listening to find a gap in the words to say your piece so you can be seen and heard. However, if your partner is doing exactly the same in this situation neither of you will walk away from this verbal exchange having understood each other or taken any real steps to romantic relating - you’ve both just taken up each others time, energy and space.
Listen to what they say on a conscious and active level, concentrating on every word. To show that you are listening carefully, repeat some of what they have said and ask them if you understood correctly, for example, "So you think that...(their thinking)..., so?" and then say your opinion. You can also say things such as “what I heard you say was this and what I think it means to you is this, have I heard you and did I get you?” You and your partner can use this exchange to really relate, to really open up and really deepen the connection you have. Using these techniques of communication can mend cracks in communication and enable you to reimagine each other on an intimate level.
It’s really powerful work, if you know what you’re doing to create a safe relating with one another.
3. Be open and honest in your relationship about what you need and want
Having a healthy relationship means being open and honest with your partner. Being open and honest comes from firstly you ‘doing the work’ on figuring out your own needs. You can do this by accessing a talking support, journalling, getting a dating and relationship coach or writing down what your goals are for yourself and your relationship. When you get clear on what it is you want and where it is you would like to go you can bridge the gap - it’s like mapping out the journey in the sat nav so you can figure our the relationship route.
Many people in relationships aren’t sure what’s triggering them or why they feel relationship distress or what it is they are *really asking* of their partners. Some people in relationships hide their emotions all together because they are fearful of what it will bring up for them or worried about the reaction and response in the relationship and so they hold back, thinking this is the best thing - to self preserve. Some are not only afraid of their partner's reaction but they also might think that their partner should guess or ‘just know’ what is bothering them.
It is important to know that our separateness is what sparks the flame of desire and by forcing you both into the thinking that you are “one” you are dimming the light of the relationship. Embrace your separate thinking and find ways instead to explore that curiously.
As you might know, your partner is not a mind-reading superhero, nor is it healthy if they think they are. You will have heard me say often that assumptions are an assassin in a romantic relationship - killing the romance and relating. So start talking openly with your partner about your needs and really hearing what theirs are too.
It will undoubtedly improve your communication and encourage you both to share more and more and connect more deeply more often.
4. Use sentences that contain the personal pronoun "I"
An effective way of chatting is using "I" messages. These are statements that describe your feelings and say how your partner's behaviour affects you, without insulting or blaming them for it. By speaking for yourself only you are being clear about where you stand, not blurring the lines of assuming where they stand or talking on behalf of their thoughts or feelings - this is a healthy way to romantically relate.
For example, it's better to say "I think we should go out more" than "you never take me anywhere." In this way, a positive atmosphere for communication will be created between you, in which they will get the desire to listen to you and express his opinion, without having to justify why he acted in a certain way.
It’s vital to communicate with each other from a place of positive regard, speaking into more of what you want and eradicating language that feels and sounds punishing that talks about getting less of what you don’t want. On a practical level it will make for a more positive emotional environment for your relationship to thrive in and on an enegertic level it's all about the law of attraction giving energy to what you do want. This is what you will manifest and maintain in your relationship over time, done in the most loving and conscious way.
5. Focus on the present with your partner
Arguments are never about what they sound like they are about. And, it may take a while to get to the bottom of what they are truly about unless you have done lots of conscious work together understanding how you both relate.
It has probably happened to you or your partner in the past that there are instances where you both start discussing or even arguing about one thing and it suddenly turns into a pile of relationship problems. Often when in emotional danger we can flight, fight, freeze or fawn as a response to communication that feels like a conflict if we don’t have the tools to really connect with one another.
Bringing up past issues only further complicates communications, however, its hard to let things go when the underlying issue remains unresolved and you haven’t understood each others wants and needs to feel connected. In the short term, to avoid creating a pile of relationship problems try to stay focused on the current issue in hand, on your feelings and attitudes towards it, and on finding a solution to it. Regular problem-solving will help you avoid arguing about 100 problems at once and keep you both feeling cool, calm and deeply connected in your relationship.
6. Learn to compromise - that’s always a win in a relationship.
Instead of trying to win every argument, try to find a compromising solution. If you’re busy trying to win, your ego has a deep need to be right and ultimately it means that your need to be right supersedes having a calm and connected relationship. Furthermore, if you are seeking the need to be right all of the time the words your partner is sharing may just sound like loud noise, where is the understanding of each other in that? Does being right sit at the top of your wants list, above relationship fulfillment and satisfaction? If so, you might find yourself in relationship distress sooner than you can imagine or, in time, single.
Good and conscious communication involves finding a solution that satisfies both parties and to be able to find a solution you have to accept right and wrong as concepts, not facts. We human beings only ever say things we think are right, otherwise we wouldn’t say them in the first place. If you’re forcing, pushing and presenting your “rightness” all of the time you may be creating a feeling of superiority in your relationship, ultimately if your partner feels inferior they won’t feel like your equal and your ways of connecting will fall by the wayside, or what is left of it.
Compromising and choosing curiosity with soft eyes is a key to connection. Ultimately, when two people compromise what they win is a healthy and happy way of interrelating with one anothe.r
7. Be patient with yourself and your partner
The truth is, talking about negative emotions and relationship problems is not fun. But, those romantic partners that are willing to do the work in their relationship reap the rewards of a deeply fulfilling and loving relationship thereafter. If you ask me, thats so worth it. Creating a deep sense of belonging with someone who you love and trust is a need high on our list if you ask me. Relationship satisfaction satisfies our human needs across the board.
Be patient with yourself and also be patient with your partner, you deserve to give yourselves and the relationships the time and attention they deserve. Tell them that you will commit to this relationship and that you are ready to go the distance, even if things don't improve as soon as you would like - slow but steady always wins the race.
A couple’s communication is fundamental and essential when it comes to making it work over the years. Communication will help build a happy and sincere relationship with your loved one. This is crucial when emotional integrity is present in the relationship. Implementing these techniques can help you not only to improve your relationship by deepening your romantic intimacy too.
Are you having some communication problems in your relationship or marriage? Do you sincerely want to reconnect in your relationship and revisit the closeness that the two of you once had? With the right tools and support from Relationship Coaching you will be in a safe and confidential setting to reimagine your relationship and reconnect better than before. Get in touch on my contact page.