Sometimes singles navigate dating from a place that doesn’t serve them, albeit subconsciously. What I mean by that is that they might feel lonely, frustrated, lacking in intimacy, missing companionship and a deep craving for connection. Ultimately, when navigating dating with any of those feelings often means that there is a void that needs to be filled by someone else in the person's mind for them to feel ‘complete’.
The chances are, if you’re single and dating feeling these things, is that you’re going to attract a person into your life that feels a void too. Two people looking to co-create a relationship in this way may lead to co-dependence and heightened expectations for the relationship to keep that void and feeling being soothed.
In my experience as a dating coach, matchmaker and relationship expert working with couples is that when someone navigates dating and connecting with others from a place of feeling whole, complete and fully happy as a solo they often attract someone into their lives who also feels “whole” and happy and so they have this unspoken feeling of team-work, emotional independence and dynamic that is complementary to one another, moreover needing to complete one another.
You may have heard me talk before, as I do often, about how separateness and individualism in a relationship is what sparks the flame of desire. We humans are curious and have the eroticim of the mind and so when we’re in a place of happiness alone and contentment then we’re lively to radiate positivity and energy to get to know someone else genuinely.
When there is a feeling of a void to be filled somewhere then dating can become complicated as subconsciously the feeling of soothing loneliness or wanting to be accepted by another through fear of aloneness or abandonment means that there isn’t much capacity for singles to explore one another in their wholeness - they're too bust trying to soothe themselves from the pain they've experienced in the past or experiencing in the present. Often, this leads to getting trapped in unhealthy and unserving dating patterns where the connection doesn’t last long. In this way dating becomes more about healing oneselve than it becomes about connecting with another.
By taking a moment to connect with where you’re at and whats going on for you, you’ll be able to see the mindset in which you’re navigating modern dating.
If you’re genuinely happy, feeling complete and excited about your life, you’re likely attract someone who also loves their life and is happy alone but who would love to connect with someone in a similar space to complement them. This high vibe frequency is exactly the place that connection can form for two potential partners.
So how do you “do the work” to get to that place of solo joy, contentment, connection and happiness alone to attract another?
Read books such as “Attached” to learn more about yourself and how you’ve connected with others romantically in the past
See a Coach or a Talking Therapy about any feelings of not enoughness so you can work through the feelings and find what it is thats holding you back from connection
Get clear on your values and relationship wants so you can be clear with potential partners about what you want and need for your future.
Think about your core values and what matters most to you in relational dynamics
Figure out how you communicate within relationships and in other interpersonal relationships. This self-development work will help you understand how you’re received by others which will be helpful as you date.
Align yourself with the right apps, groups, events and people who could connect you with someone on your wavelength or similar.
Make a list if the qualities you seek in a partner and ask yourself which ones of those do you also possess. Is that list a mirror of you or qualities you feel you’re lacking. In this exercise you can figure out how and why you’re selecting the suitors you select as you date.
By starting this journey you’ll likely to gain clarity and feel connected to the dating journey rather than just letting the dating journey happen to you.
It’s conscious work and it’s deeply connecting. The more you lean into it the more likely you are going to reap the rewards of a deeply connected relationship and hopefully find ‘The One’.
To do the work with me, get in touch, I'd love to work with you!
Much Love,
Sarah Louise x