Communication is vital not only to maintaining your romantic relationship but can be used as a tool to deepen connection. Communication is mostly taken for granted within a relationship - we assume how we know how we are received by another person. And, one of the top causes of conflict and relationship breakdowns is one person assuming they know what the other is thinking or what they will say in any situation. Assuming communication, without communication can cause conflict. So how can those in relationships better their communication and use it to deepen their communication? Firstly, cease to assume you know. Get better at becoming curious both in how you are received by your significant other(s) and what's going on for them too. You can do this by asking if they understand what you’re saying, where you’re coming from and if you can explore more together if you don’t feel understood. You can then, in turn, ask your partner(s) if you have understood them well and if not, how can you meet them in a space to understand them better. Couples make the mistake thinking it's about consistency or constancy of communicating what they want. But how are we to get our needs met and be seen and heard if our partner isn’t truly understanding the words which are said and the intention behind them being shared. Communicating effectively is something that rarely comes naturally to many people. It is often something that people need to work on in their relationships and being on a journey of relational development with our partners together is key to really ‘getting each other’. Effective communication deepens connection as we are able to begin to look at our partners with soft eyes, we are able to connect or reconnect not only to their humanness but to the friendship which formed the foundations for the relationship to grow. Reminding oneself and revisiting the core of the connection, friendship, is fundamental to bring a couple back to centre. And, in some cases, back together as they reconnect. Vitality is injected into the relationship as each person begins to reimagine and reconnect. It’s essentially re-energising. Using specific communication techniques in a relationship can restore healthy communication and it’s incredibly important for many different reasons. To reduces conflict and can solve it quickly Conflict in a relationship is something that every couple will deal with at some point, its not only natural, it’s to be expected. Don’t make conflict mean anything - it’s often two people who feel they have become ‘one’ realising they are actually just two completely different human beings with different outlooks and experiences of the world trying to find their way together. When conflict comes up, it’s not good nor is it bad - it’s just natural as we test each others boundaries, check in on our values and try our best to be heard, whilst also hearing. It’s important to remember this about communication Communication is not only what we say with words but how we are received in our body language, tonality, pace and pitch - it’s alot of paralinguistics where timing is also everything. In relationships we are so in tune with our partners that we assume to know their physical moves, their meanings and if something is different. Assumption dims the flame of desire whereby curiosity ignites it. The more we ask questions with our partners rather than soaking up their body language and behaviours like a sponge, the more we can really romantically relate. Here’s 3 ways in which communication reconnects couples: It can increase intimacy in the relationship Discovering how to improve communication in relationships is excellent for your emotional intimacy, or ability to listen, understand and be compassionate toward your partner. Developing your communication skills shows that you respect yourself and value your partner and their feelings and opinions. When people feel honored and accepted in this way, emotional intimacy skyrockets – and physical intimacy often follows. Who doesn’t want to feel emotionally and physically intimate with their significant other? It can help you build trust & creates emotional safety Trust is the faith you have in someone that will always remain loyal to you and love you. To trust someone means that you can rely on them and are comfortable confiding in them because you feel safe with them. Both partners have to be consistently open with each other, communicating honestly. Better communication between you and your partner leads to more trust in each other, and better trust leads to more confidence. It helps intimacy and love grow between two Romantic connection is like a plant. You have to water it for love and intimacy to grow, you have to maintain it and respect it gently. When we let our communication go stale, our romantic connection can suffer from a lack of nourishment. We can’t expect to continue earning love from someone if we stop communicating entirely with them, just like a plant would die if we don’t water it. The way we feel deeply connected to our partners can come in an ebb and flow, and this is normal because life sometimes demands different things from us, our relationships and priorities. But, as long as couples continue to come back to centre to water and work on their relationship it will thrive, not just survive. If the nourishment of it is abandoned entirely, so will the connect be in the relationship. You have to be able to remind each other why it was you fell in love in the little things you say and do each day. Appreciate and show up for each other and your relationship with absolute gratitude - ultimately we don’t own or owe anybody anything. Show your partner and yourself why you choose each other each day, above all others, above all else. This is the resolve to relationships that have drifted apart. It creates the solution of relationship reconnection. Getting beyond the surface & resolving unspoken conflicts/miscommunication Getting beyond the surface is essential to being satisfied in one's relationship. Whilst it may be difficult to open up when your heart becomes closed in conflict, deep connection is the reward on the other side. Common barriers to opening up to people are caused by unresolved hurts from previous experiences and relationships, fear of failure and things not working out or being scared of the unknown. Sometimes we can self-sabotage romantic opportunities for deep connection because it’s out of our comfort zones to be happy or somewhere, somehow we don’t fully believe that we deserve love. There are lessons to be learned but we have to do the deep work to align ourselves with the love and the relationship we deserve and that comes with a lot of letting go and ‘doing the work’.
Sarah Louise x