Do you feel that the excitement in your relationship is fading, perhaps the passion feels like it\s dwindling or much dimmer than it used to be? It is normal in relationships to have periods when it seems that the original magic is no longer there, this means our brains have calmed from the rush of hormones running around that form the initial attraction and attachment to our partners. But being in a relationship for a long time does not mean that you no longer feel, on the contrary, your feelings have evolved, and become stronger and more solid.
The quickest way back to reconnection in your relationship with that spark of desire is to remind yourself of what makes your partner the right person for you. We can do this by simply, each day, taking stock of an appreciation with our partners. Have a think throughout the day of something they have done that made you feel appreciated, seen, heard, connected or understood. It can be something as simple as doing the dishes or dropping the children at school. Or it can be something more overt such as them telling you that they love you.
As a couple, when you are able to bring yourself back to what it is you like, appreciate and are attracted to in your partner and if they can do the same with you, its the quickest way to soothe over anything thats holding you back from a deep, fulfilling connection. If you are your partner are in a situation where coming to think about appreciations are difficult, let alone communicating them with one another, then I can show you how in my couples coaching sessions one to one which are strictly confidential and expertly crafted to bring your relationship back to the connection that you both once had.
If however you are in a place where you and your partner are able to appreciate one another and vocalise those appreciations safely, curiously and joyfully the next step to recreating and reigniting that spark is to look at what else you can do to bring playful and exciting energy back into your relationship.
Here are 5 tips for relationship reconnection and reigniting that spark in your relationship:
1. Laugh together
A sense of humour can cheer you up when you're having a bad day or feeling disconnected in your relationship. Being able to make your partner smile is a sign of vitality in a relationship, it means that together you can best experience the happy moments in life. Even when things go wrong, the power to laugh at yourself and manage to bring out the humorous side of the situation will prevent fights and keep your relationship alive.
2. Don't hold back, show your love!
Saying "I love you" often goes along with everything that has become a routine, a habit. But expressing your love is never just a habit. Regardless of how long you've been in a relationship, express your love through actions or do some reading about your love languages to figure out how you give and receive love in your relationship. This understanding will work wonders for your relationship - knowledge is power.
3. Be open to new experiences
It is not true that exciting moments happen only at the beginning of the relationship, always introduce something new in order for the passion to exist. Don't limit yourself, be open to new experiences. Love is not closed in a vacuum, but you have to develop it in order for it to last. Make time for each other, don't forget to have those long fulfilling conversations, and pay attention to what makes you both happy.
4. Be generous
Give your partner time, attention and affection, but also be grateful for what your partner gives you. Show that you not only appreciate the attention you're getting but that youneed it. Being generous and grateful for what you receive will create warm feelings on both sides.
5. Don't lose your identity as an individual
That sense of seperateness is a real key to relationship vitality too - it keeps our partners curious but it also ensures we have our own zest for life. Of course it's important to function well as a couple, but one of the biggest mistakes is to talk completely about yourself and let your identity merge into the relationship. Give him/her room to breathe and be himself/herself, and do the same for yourself. Being close to someone does not mean losing all sense of character detachment. Partners should complement each other in their differences and accept each other as they are, not lose themselves and become something they are not. Being curious about each others individual interests, passions and hobbies is a quick but deeply connecting way to reignite a feeling of curiosity that has been missing in a relationship - which is often what we refer to as ‘the spark’.
Are you ready to take the next steps to Relationship Reconnection? I would love to help you and your partner if you want to reset your relationship and reconnect to the love that you both desire and deserve. Please do be in touch to see if I can help you in couples therapy either online or in person for relationship coaching in London.
Sarah Louise x