On BBC News Worldwide, Live: Dating in Singapore.

Dating in Singapore: Could a New Government Approach to Online Dating Help Singles Find Love?

Last night, I joined BBC News to discuss a new development in the world of modern dating: FirstDate, a new dating platform being piloted in Singapore for eligible public officers aged between 21 and 35.

As a professional matchmaker, psychotherapist and dating and relationship expert, I’m always interested when something challenges the model that has dominated online dating for the past decade or more. Because while dating apps have undoubtedly given singles access to more potential partners than previous generations could have imagined, more choice hasn’t necessarily translated into more meaningful relationships.

And that is what makes Singapore’s experiment particularly interesting.

FirstDate takes a noticeably different approach from the traditional swipe-based dating app. Rather than presenting singles with a seemingly endless stream of profiles, users answer questions about areas such as their interests, lifestyle, values and preferences, before receiving one potential match during each matching cycle.

The current pilot also uses government-backed identity verification.

The premise raises a much bigger question about online dating in Singapore and elsewhere: perhaps the next evolution of dating technology shouldn’t be about giving singles more choice. Perhaps it should be about helping them make more intentional choices.

What I Know as a Professional Matchmaker Since 2011

Having worked as a professional matchmaker since 2011, one thing I have learned is that singles don't necessarily need access to more people. They need better opportunities to meet people with whom there is genuine potential for compatibility — and enough space to explore what might develop.

In my experience, people often look for partners within broadly similar social, educational, economic and geographical circumstances. That doesn't mean successful couples need to have identical backgrounds, careers or incomes. Far from it. But shared context can matter. Lifestyle, values, ambitions, education, attitudes towards money, family expectations and the kind of life somebody wants to build can all influence how compatible two people ultimately feel.

This is one reason I find the premise behind FirstDate interesting. Rather than creating an enormous pool of seemingly endless options, it begins with a more defined community and then considers other compatibility factors before making an introduction.

Professional matchmaking works on a similar principle: the goal isn't to find the greatest number of people someone could possibly date. It's to identify the people for whom there is a meaningful reason to meet.

But after more than a decade working with singles, I also know that compatibility on paper only takes us so far.

Two people can appear exceptionally well matched and experience very little chemistry when they meet. Equally, somebody who doesn't immediately resemble a person's imagined “type” can become incredibly attractive once humour, warmth, intelligence, emotional availability and personality enter the room.

Good matchmaking therefore isn't about attempting to engineer love or remove all uncertainty from dating. It's about creating a high-quality opportunity for connection.

And perhaps that is something modern online dating could learn from.

After years of giving singles more profiles, more matches and more potential choices, the more useful question might no longer be “How many people can I meet?”

It might be:

“Who is genuinely worth getting to know?”

Dating: Why Singapore’s New Approach Could Work

From what I know about how people find a partner, they’re often looking within similar social, educational, economic and geographical circumstances to them. This doesn’t mean successful couples need identical backgrounds, salaries or qualifications, but our social environments inevitably shape who we meet, who feels familiar to us and sometimes who we imagine building a life alongside.

That is one reason the premise behind FirstDate makes sense to me. By beginning within a defined professional community, there may already be some common ground around education, employment, lifestyle and socioeconomic circumstances before other compatibility factors are even considered.

Then there is verification.

One of the difficulties with conventional online dating is that we are essentially meeting strangers from the internet. Profiles can be misleading, identities can be fabricated and people's relationship status, age or intentions aren't always what they appear to be.

FirstDate's government-backed verification therefore creates an interesting difference. Knowing that somebody's identity and eligibility have been authenticated could reasonably give users a greater feeling of confidence or safety than meeting an entirely unverified profile.

But I would be careful with the word safe.

Verification can tell us that someone is who they say they are. It cannot tell us who they are in a relationship.

It cannot guarantee somebody's intentions, emotional availability, behaviour, compatibility or how they will treat another person. So while verification may remove one layer of uncertainty from online dating, I would still encourage singles to follow the same sensible precautions they would when meeting anybody new: take time getting to know someone, meet initially in public and don't mistake identity verification for personal endorsement.

The Pros of Online Dating in Singapore

There are very real advantages to online dating, particularly for busy professionals.

Dating apps dramatically expand the number of people we can encounter beyond our immediate friendship groups, workplaces and social circles. For someone with a demanding career or limited opportunities to meet new people organically, that accessibility can be enormously useful.

Online dating can also allow singles to establish some basic compatibility before investing time in a date. Relationship intentions, age, lifestyle, location, family aspirations and other important preferences can potentially be established earlier.

And despite some of the criticism directed towards dating apps, I don't think the technology itself is inherently the problem.

Dating apps are introduction tools.

Used intentionally, they can introduce two people who might never otherwise have met. The difficulty arises when the mechanics of online dating begin changing how we approach the people we're meeting.

FirstDate also adds another potential advantage through its restricted and verified user base. There may be greater confidence that the person behind the profile is a real person who meets the eligibility criteria for the platform.

Again, that should not be confused with a guarantee of personal safety or compatibility. But in an online dating environment where authenticity can be difficult to establish, verification potentially removes at least one area of uncertainty.

The Problem With Having Too Much Choice

This is where I think FirstDate becomes particularly interesting.

Most mainstream dating apps are built around abundance. There is another profile. Another swipe. Another match. Another conversation. And potentially another person just around the corner.

At first, that feels liberating.

But psychologically, having access to an enormous number of potential partners can make it more difficult to invest in the person already in front of us.

Singles can find themselves wondering whether they should continue exploring a promising connection or return to the app to see who else might be available. Small imperfections can become reasons to move on because the perceived cost of doing so is incredibly low.

There is always another profile.

Dating-app fatigue and choice overload have increasingly become part of the conversation around modern dating. Constantly swiping, matching, messaging and restarting conversations can make dating begin to feel less like meeting people and more like managing another piece of life admin.

So perhaps one of FirstDate's most interesting features isn't its technology at all.

It's its limitation.

One potential match per matching cycle creates a very different relationship with choice.

Instead of asking someone to sift through hundreds of possibilities, the model effectively asks: Here is one person we think might be worth meeting. Would you like to explore it?

As a matchmaker, I think there is something significant in that distinction.

The Cons of Online Dating in Singapore

More access doesn't automatically create better connection.

One of the difficulties with online dating in Singapore, as with dating apps internationally, is that people can begin to experience one another as profiles rather than complex human beings.

A photograph, job title, height, education, hobby or carefully constructed bio becomes the basis upon which someone is accepted or rejected within seconds.

But attraction doesn't always work that efficiently.

Some relationships begin with instant chemistry. Others develop because somebody becomes increasingly attractive as we experience their humour, warmth, intelligence, confidence, kindness or way of engaging with us.

There are other challenges too. Dating-app burnout, ghosting, catfishing, safety concerns and the repetitive nature of online conversations can gradually make singles more cynical about the process.

And then there is the limitation of compatibility technology itself.

An algorithm can tell us that two people share similar values, interests or aspirations. It cannot completely predict chemistry, emotional availability, relational maturity or how two nervous human beings will actually experience each other when they meet.

The Potential Problem: When Dating and Work Collide

There is another side to restricting a dating platform to people within a particular employment ecosystem: workplace cross-pollination.

Meeting somebody with a similar professional background can create common ground, but it can also blur the boundaries between someone's dating life and their working life.

What happens when you match with somebody who works with a close colleague? What happens after an unsuccessful date when your professional networks overlap? Or if two people date for several months, separate badly and subsequently discover that their careers bring them into the same professional spaces?

In a relatively interconnected professional community, dating experiences may not remain entirely separate from work.

There may also be understandable concerns about privacy and reputation. Some singles behave very differently on a dating app populated by strangers they are unlikely ever to encounter again than they might on a platform where a match could potentially know their colleagues, managers or wider professional network.

That isn't necessarily an argument against the model. People have always met partners through work, education and professional networks. In fact, those environments have historically been important places for relationships to begin.

But it does create a trade-off:

The same shared social and professional ecosystem that could make compatibility more likely may also make unsuccessful dating experiences harder to contain.

What I Think FirstDate Gets Right as a Professional Matchmaker

Having worked as a professional matchmaker since 2011, one thing I have learned is that singles don't necessarily need more introductions. They need better reasons for the introductions they're having. There is a considerable difference between access and compatibility. Having thousands of people theoretically available to you doesn't necessarily make finding a suitable partner easier; in fact, it can make the process more overwhelming.

What matters is whether there is enough meaningful alignment — in values, lifestyle, relationship goals and often social, educational, economic and geographical circumstances — to make two people genuinely worth introducing.

This is why I find FirstDate's move towards one potential match per matching cycle particularly interesting. Instead of continually asking, “Is there somebody better if I keep looking?”, it creates more space to ask, “Is this someone I would genuinely like to get to know?” 

Those are psychologically very different approaches to dating. The first can keep us in a state of comparison and searching; the second encourages curiosity and intentionality. This is something I see within professional matchmaking too: the value isn't in presenting someone with an endless catalogue of people, but in creating considered opportunities for connection and allowing each introduction enough space to be explored.

But good matching - whether it is carried out by a professional matchmaker or supported by technology - can only take us so far. Two people can look exceptionally compatible on paper and feel very little chemistry in person, while somebody who doesn't immediately fit a person's imagined “type” can become increasingly attractive once humour, warmth, intelligence, kindness and personality enter the room.

Compatibility can give us a reason to meet; it cannot guarantee what happens when we do. Ultimately, two people still have to be willing to show up, remain curious and discover whether the introduction has the potential to become something more.

Ready to Step Away From Online Dating?

If you've reached the point where online dating feels more exhausting than exciting, you don't have to keep swiping simply because it has become the default way to meet someone. Professional matchmaking offers a very different approach to finding a partner - one that replaces searching through profiles with a more considered, human-led process.

I've worked as a professional matchmaker since 2011, and my approach is centred around understanding who you are, the life you've created and the kind of relationship you genuinely want to build.

Rather than giving you access to an endless database of singles, my team and I actively search, select and vet potential partners before making carefully considered introductions. We look beyond basic preferences to consider values, lifestyle, relationship goals, personality and the practical compatibility required for a relationship to work in real life.

So, if you're ready to give up online dating altogether and would prefer someone else to take on the searching, filtering and introductions for you, you can get in touch with me to explore professional matchmaking. The aim isn't to introduce you to as many people as possible. It's to create fewer, more intentional opportunities to meet someone genuinely worth getting to know.