First dates can be nerve wracking and also exciting. Most of the time in modern dating singles are meeting someone for the first time because they met through online dating or a personal matchmaking agency. When meeting someone for the first time a lot of the nerves come from not knowing how things will go, feeling out of control or pressure to see if there is a connection.
The more prepared for a first date you can be, the more you will feel in the driving seat of your dating journey and so you can lean into the feelings of excitement moreover focusing on nervousness or anything else that comes up that doesn’t feel good. You must remember that dating should be fun - it’s about meeting prospects and enjoying the process of courtship with new people to find true romantic connections.
One way you can enjoy the dating journey is to be prepared with what you can talk about on a first date. Here’s 5 conversations for you to consider so you can ensure that an online match turns into a successful first date.
5 First Date Conversation Starters:
Talk About Your Goals
Once the initial small talk is out of the way when you arrive on your first date and you start to feel comfortable you can consider talking about more important stuff but consider keeping the conversation on a positive slant. Consider talking about what your passions, goals, and wants are in your career or for the future. The way you can prepare for this kind of conversation is to, ahead of your first date(s), consider what lights you up each day and what you are working towards - write it down. Start looking at what motivates you and what is important to you regarding bigger picture things. When you’re on a date talking about what lights you up, your body language will mirror what is going on for you energetically and an excited, passionate, happy person is an attractive person.
If goal setting is important to you, you may want a partner who is on the same page as you. If you’re an ambitious person who is independent and has big dreams, you will spot quite soon on your first date if the person in front of you is supportive of that, excited to see you excited or if they are intimidated by what sets your soul on fire. This conversation is you taking aligned action towards picking a partner who is on your wavelength - even if they have different goals and dreams to you, this will open up the conversation to be more deep and meaningful and for you to get to know the ‘real them’ better in person from the get-go on a first date. You’ll also be able to see how the conversation flows from this kind of topic and if there is more curiosity from you both to explore more about each other and the connection.
Talk About Your Friends
Your friendships are so important to you, so, of course, you should talk about them. They say that we are the average of the 5 people we spend most time with and so consider who you value the most and the 5 people who influence who you are on a day to day basis. This kind of conversation might come from you asking more questions about what your date usually gets up to on a weekend, from there you may move into talking about your social life and friends by asking each other more questions. A first date isn’t an interview but more of an initial gauge to see if there is possibility for compatibilty and to gauge if your lifestyles match and outlook on the world. You can certainly check in with this by talking about friends and friendship circles - you’ll find out more about what they are into and interested in.
You want to see how that person reacts when you tell funny stories about your best friends when you talk about what you usually do when you go out, and when you just refer to them in normal conversation. You can see if your date is a social butterfly or more of a close knit quiet socialiser. You can make more informed decisions along the way about your date and the kind of life they lead socially.
Talk About Family
We don’t recommend talking about children or family wants (or lack there of) on a first date. We do however recommend talking about how close you are with your family if that is the case. You will get a feel for how close or not they are with their family too and see how this aligns with you.
It's a good idea to share your family background, loosely if you like, in the first date or two. You want that person to know if you are close to your parents, if you see them regularly if they support you in your career and your life, etc. Many people don’t admit it in dating but family dynamics tend to be really important to singles - many years in the personal matchmaking space asking thousands of singles questions about what they want, who they want to meet and the kind of life they would like to build and its dynamics shows us matchmakers at the dating agency that family dynamics are really important as part of the relationship set up for many people. You also want to know those things about that person, don't you? It's nice to leave a first date having a well rounded picture of who the person is so you can make an informed decision about investing more time, energy and emotion into the dating journey with them. We’re not suggesting that the first date be like an interview but it certainly can be fun and informative for you both.
Talk About Lifestyle
Lifestyle can be a subconscious deal breaker for some people. Many singles find that even if hobbies, passions and interests aren’t the same, they want to know how they might spend their down time with a prospective romantic partner, if things go well after the first few dates. Maybe you live a super healthy lifestyle and love yoga, running, cooking healthy meals and more. It's likely you’ll want to meet someone who also considers taking care of themselves mind, body and soul. Often lifestyles align with our value sets.
Maybe you enjoy gaming, watching tv or internet use and meeting someone who is physically active might sound exhausting or that you wouldn’t have much to connect over. Making sure you have a similar mindset and lifestyle can be important to consider how, when and where you might connect with someone.
Perhaps you really like the idea of work-life balance, or you like working nights and weekends and finding someone with a similar variety in life is important to you so you can have those weekends walking as well as those Sundays on the sofa together. Many people value balance and seek the same in others.
These are all lifestyle choices and they make you who you are, small choices each day over time create the life you lead and the lifestyle you have. If you can talk about your schedule and how you live your life on those first or initial dates, then you'll give that person the best chance to discover who you really are and you can explore more about how you might fit into each other's life.
Talk About Outlook
If you’re a glass half full kind of person, not that you need to meet someone who is the same as you, then you might find it hard to gel with someone who identifies as a bit of a pessimist or glass half empty kind of person.
Not that we recommend talking politics on a first date, but little inclinations as to where you stand thinking about others, money, the environment or giving back in the way of charity work or philanthropy will really show the person who you truly are, at least initially speaking. This will open up the conversation to find out more about their worldly views, experiences, outlook and thought processes.
Having conversations such as these really are helpful talking points to support you as a single navigating those first dates in modern dating. By having things to hand that you may discuss conversationally on a first date it's likely to increase your confidence which will show up in your dating demeanor. Lightly touching on these subjects opens up conversational opportunities on first dates and gives you some starting points to gauge connection.
If you would like to explore what dating coaching or personal matchmaking looks like to help you figure out what you want or to connect you with the kinds of people you are looking to meet you can enquire here for coaching or here for personal matchmaking.
Sarah Louise x